I just read A Spot of T’s blog and she got me thinking. That happens a lot when I read someone else’s blog, by the way.
She wrote about how she wants to focus on real friendships this year. People who actually take her up on offers to go and do something. It got me thinking that this year I’d like to actually take people up on their offers to get together.
I often feel lonely, wishing that I had more friends. Other people seem to have so much going on in their lives. When I take a second look at it, however, I realize that I’ve received many invitations. I just don’t actually do much about them. I want to, but I guess I’m nervous. I find it scary getting to know someone new. Inviting them to my house opens a whole can of worms of being embarrassed of the mess. It is possible, of course, to meet somewhere else instead, but I still worry about how the conversation will go. Will we “connect”? Will they like me? With these concerns running through my mind I don’t end up making that call. I have 3 or 4 phone numbers given to me with the open invite of “we should get together sometime” just hanging out in my possession. The only thing stopping me is fear. Ridiculous, I know. So, this year, I want to change that. I’m a good conversationalist. I’m friendly with a fine sense of humour. I’m an all around nice person. Why am I afraid that people won’t like me? Even if they don’t like me, that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. It’s time to get over caring what people think of me. I don’t want to wait until I’m forty to feel more confident…what do I mean by that?
Well, it seems that the people I know who are forty talk about this peace that comes over them. They feel more at ease with themselves. They’re no longer trying to please or live their lives for others. May-be some of that really does just come with time. It may take another seven years before I really “get it”, but I figure there has to be some effort put in as well. It can’t just automatically happen with the turning of forty, can it? Well, I’m going to do some preparation. There are some things I want to accomplish by the time that number comes around for me. Confidence in myself is one of them. Perhaps this year will be the beginning for me. In fact, I know it will be…