I have had a tumultuous couple of days, people, and that’s why I haven’t been blogging. There has been way too much on my mind, and not many happy thoughts getting through until now.
I said to myself, when I started blogging, that I wouldn’t ever talk badly about my marriage on here because I didn’t think that it was fair to Adrian. Now listen. Our marriage is good. It’s just that like a lot of marriages it has its rough spots. I’ll keep my promise in that I’m not bitching or complaining – I’m celebrating! Tonight we talked about our marriage without any cloud of selfishness. Sometimes, we’re preoccupied with being “right” instead of just listening – that’s what I mean by selfishness. We spoke about our own fears and insecurities, and we did so while watching…Oprah!! I recorded a show she had awhile ago on marriage, and tonight we looked at it together. It took us twice as long to watch because we kept pausing and having discussions. Adrian admitted some things to me…man! It makes me love him all over again. We’ve got work to do, but I have such faith that we’ll have the marriage we both want to have. Thank God. I was scared there for awhile. Actually, I’m still scared, but not because I think we’ll fail. I’m afraid because of the stuff I’ll have to face about myself. Not that that will stop me from facing it, though.
Gary Zukav. He was on Oprah talking about Spiritual Partnerships. First off – I NEVER thought that Adrian would be into what Gary Zukav had to say, but I’m happy to say that I was wrong. Being a huge Oprah fan, I have seen him on the show several times, and have had many in-depth conversations with my friends about his philosophies. In the past, however, whenever I brought up concepts to Adrian like: no one but ourselves control our feelings, we choose the people in our lives so that they may teach us something, and so on, he always dismissed them. Tonight he embraced them.
The misleading thing about what Gary Zukav has to say is that it comes across as simplistic. For instance, he says, instead of doing the self-destructive behavior (for me it could be overeating) that you might usually do, STOP. Stop and then feel. Just sit in that emotion. It’ll feel uncomfortable, but that is where you will do the most learning about yourself. Sounds easy enough, but guess what? It ain’t!
We can’t change each other. HE can’t make me happy, and I can’t make him happy. We must make ourselves happy. We have to fill ourselves up. After all, we only have power or control over our own feelings. “When we align our personality with our souls then we’ll have authentic power”. We’ll no longer need to battle over energy/power with our spouses, friends, co-workers, etc. anymore.
I’m celebrating because for the first time, it feels like our intentions are aligned, and it feels wonderful.