Oh – My – Goodness.

I have had a tumultuous couple of days, people, and that’s why I haven’t been blogging. There has been way too much on my mind, and not many happy thoughts getting through until now.

I said to myself, when I started blogging, that I wouldn’t ever talk badly about my marriage on here because I didn’t think that it was fair to Adrian. Now listen. Our marriage is good. It’s just that like a lot of marriages it has its rough spots. I’ll keep my promise in that I’m not bitching or complaining – I’m celebrating! Tonight we talked about our marriage without any cloud of selfishness. Sometimes, we’re preoccupied with being “right” instead of just listening – that’s what I mean by selfishness. We spoke about our own fears and insecurities, and we did so while watching…Oprah!! I recorded a show she had awhile ago on marriage, and tonight we looked at it together. It took us twice as long to watch because we kept pausing and having discussions. Adrian admitted some things to me…man! It makes me love him all over again. We’ve got work to do, but I have such faith that we’ll have the marriage we both want to have. Thank God. I was scared there for awhile. Actually, I’m still scared, but not because I think we’ll fail. I’m afraid because of the stuff I’ll have to face about myself. Not that that will stop me from facing it, though.

Gary Zukav. He was on Oprah talking about Spiritual Partnerships. First off – I NEVER thought that Adrian would be into what Gary Zukav had to say, but I’m happy to say that I was wrong. Being a huge Oprah fan, I have seen him on the show several times, and have had many in-depth conversations with my friends about his philosophies. In the past, however, whenever I brought up concepts to Adrian like: no one but ourselves control our feelings, we choose the people in our lives so that they may teach us something, and so on, he always dismissed them. Tonight he embraced them.

The misleading thing about what Gary Zukav has to say is that it comes across as simplistic. For instance, he says, instead of doing the self-destructive behavior (for me it could be overeating) that you might usually do, STOP. Stop and then feel. Just sit in that emotion. It’ll feel uncomfortable, but that is where you will do the most learning about yourself. Sounds easy enough, but guess what? It ain’t!

We can’t change each other. HE can’t make me happy, and I can’t make him happy. We must make ourselves happy. We have to fill ourselves up. After all, we only have power or control over our own feelings. “When we align our personality with our souls then we’ll have authentic power”. We’ll no longer need to battle over energy/power with our spouses, friends, co-workers, etc. anymore.

I’m celebrating because for the first time, it feels like our intentions are aligned, and it feels wonderful.

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About Debbie

I am a stay at home mom of 2 energetic children. I homeschool them as well. I have a great husband who, after 7 years of working away from, finally has a job where he is home every night. We are trying to learn how to live together again along with adjusting to the lower pay that came along with the job change.
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8 Responses to Oh – My – Goodness.

  1. Steffi says:

    Oh Debbie,what for words…I think in every long marriage we have some problems in the partnership.Andre and me,we also have this but after 17 years married is this normally.Every day it cannot be sunshine.Unfortunately is Andre not a romantic man…His long time by the army have made him hard and sometimes he have a commading tone.But I knowed since I know him that he is a stronge man but I love him.
    I miss romantic hours sometimes together but nevertheless we stay together in good and bad times.And that´s important.After so long time together I can´t change Andre and he can´t change me.Everybody have good sites and bad sites.
    I hope you understand me what I mean.Be happy with your Adrian and your children!It´s beautiful to have a nice family!

    Bye,Steffi

  2. Jane says:

    I wish you and Adrian all the best for the future Debbie…I think being able to see any problems and acknowledge they are there is a HUGE step…..my Ex and I just never acknowledged we had problems and I think thats why the marriage ended….I think all marriages need work…I think when you stop working at them is when you start taking each other for granted and problems occur….

    Do you get any time away with Adrian…….if I knew you better and knew your children then I’d love to have them come stay for a night or two to give you two some time alone…do you have someone who can do that? I know time alone with Lloyd always brings us closer….

    I am so determined not to make the same mistakes with Lloyd that I made with my ex……I guess my divorce was an important life lesson!

  3. Emma in Canada says:

    William hates Oprah, but I am hoping he might watch today’s with me. I am glad you guys were able to talk things out. What you say is so true, we need to make ourselves happy.

  4. Joy T. says:

    Steffi said it very well. Good times and bad, that’s what it’s all about. I couldn’t even imagine walking around in a bubble world thinking my marriage was so perfect. LOL Although what a happy place that would be. All the advice in the world doesn’t compare to finding out what works best for you and YOUR husband. It sounds like the both of you have made a huge step towards keeping that marriage of yours alive and well and I couldn’t be happier for anyone who’s willing to at least try :o)

  5. Heather says:

    I agree with Jane on getting some alone time! We purposely put the kids to bed an hour or two before we go to bed just to have our time together, talking with no interruptions, watching tv, reading…etc…one thing I do have to say is that we have always respected each other and not ever forced each other to do anything or make each other ask for permission. We just have that trust with each other and know everything is okay and if it isn’t we’ll speak up about it.

    No matter what marriage is work!! There always is give and take. Being aware of making your own happiness and your own changes is a double benefit-to yourself and your relationship.

    I’m glad you feel that spark and renewed energy again in your relationship! 🙂

  6. Sirdar says:

    Glad to see that you both are trying to get things in perspective. Life is a growing experience…and marriage is part of life, so growing and marriage works in tandem…and it takes two in the marriage to make it grow.

    Hope it works out for the best.

  7. Debbie says:

    Thanks, guys, for your supportive comments. Man, I struggled with keeping this post on here. I wrote it late at night when I couldn’t sleep soon after we’d just had that marvellous talk. I so want to honour our relationship. I just re-read my post, and don’t think I said anything to jeopardize that. I’ve got one hell of a man, and I’m proud that he’s willing to have the conversations that we did.

    I’m also not one to pretend. Joy, is right. Marriages aren’t perfect. Even the best ones need work. I don’t worry about the D word; I worry about having a lifeless marriage 10 or 20 years from now. I’ve witnessed one like that, and don’t want it.

  8. Debbie says:

    I understand, Steffi. Thank-you for your support. 🙂 It sounds as if you have plenty of love and respect between you and your husband.

    Jane & Heather – We do get time alone in the evenings, but we don’t go out for date nights as often as we should. I do know how important that is, though.

    Jane – Good for you for seeing your divorce as a lesson. I’ll bet many people come away just thinking about fault.

    Emma – I imagine not many men make the time for Oprah, not just your’s. 😉 Maybe this time he will.

    Thanks, Joy. Yes, I think even the perfect marriages need to do some work. Maybe that’s what makes them perfect – they admit they have to work at it. What the heck is perfect anyway, right?

    Heather – Thank-you. I just thought of a Dr. Philism: Marriage is not 50/50. It is 100/100. You each have to bring 100% to the relationship. I love that!

    Sirdar – It WILL work out for the best – thanks! In fact, it already has. 🙂

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