It’s 12:30 pm. I’m not avoiding – I’m taking a break. Honest. I had to stop for lunch. My positive thinking seems to be helping. Every time I start to feel stressed by looking at all I have to do, I remember what I wrote. “I will accomplish what I need to”. My house isn’t going to be immaculate by Saturday. I’ll just have to be okay with that, and let it go. Ironically, people tell me that they’re relaxed and comfortable in our home.
The children ended up colouring some Canadian flags and animals to use as decorations for the party. I also had Ds do some math questions, and they’ll read this afternoon. Then I spent the last hour and a half sorting paper/books stuff. They are in piles all over the table and kitchen counter. Y’ever notice how when you’re organizing, the place gets much messier before it gets clean? Some stuff will go in the filing cabinet (which also has to be organized, but not today!), some will be shredded or recycled, some I have to file in the children’s portfolios (which is another issue), some brought down to the office area, and some I don’t know what the hell to do with.
As for the clean house, I wish I didn’t care what people thought. In fact, I wish that for every aspect of my life…to a degree. I’m a caring person, and I don’t want to change that, but I can get a little ridiculous in this department. I’m reading the Glass Castle, and while the mom is a bit of a nut job I see in her a lot of qualities that I admire. One is that she genuinely doesn’t care what people think of her. “We’re not put on this earth to care what people think,” she says. She goes to church in her painting clothes because God isn’t concerned with what’s on the outside. Well, that may be true, but people care. I would be embarrassed to go to church and have people look at me, thinking that I looked like a slob. I wish I wouldn’t, but I know I would. The wonderful thing I love about reading a great book is that for awhile I can feel what it’s like to be someone different. I can feel how it’d be to not care how other people saw me. May-be some of it will rub off – not the crazy parts, though!