Truth

Little White Lies was the Fun Monday’s topic this week.  (I’ll check the host’s blog address a little later and post it)  I didn’t sign up because at the time I couldn’t think of anything compelling to write.

I don’t often lie…anymore.  Oh I used to be a very good liar unfortunately.  To my parents…sorry mom and dad!  As a teen, I lied to them about where I was going or who I was with,  and many times to get out of trouble.  I’m hoping that I won’t get too much pay back when my children come of age.  I lied to friends.  Usually to make myself look better.  To teachers.  About homework or why I missed a class.  But mostly I lied to myself. 

Now I don’t. 

I can’t get anywhere or learn anything unless I quit living in a place of denial.  Even it’s about the most painful parts of myself.  I strive for truth.  Why do I behave a certain way?  Why did I react that way?  Why am I jealous of that person?  What is going on with me when I get into an argument with my husband?

Truth is a difficult space to live in because it means I can’t be concerned with whether or not I’m justified in my feelings.  What do I gain by proving someone wrong?  A feeling of superiority or self-satisfaction?

The truth is that half the time I live my life from the perspective of a scared seven year old girl, and the other half of the time from a thirty-three year old woman who is trying to find her way in life.

The truth is that I have a lot of anger that I don’t express because I never want to hurt any one’s feelings or cause a big argument.  The anger is sitting there bottled up and that is what sneaks out in the disguise of bad moods when I’m feeling a loss of control.

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About Debbie

I am a stay at home mom of 2 energetic children. I homeschool them as well. I have a great husband who, after 7 years of working away from, finally has a job where he is home every night. We are trying to learn how to live together again along with adjusting to the lower pay that came along with the job change.
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6 Responses to Truth

  1. Dawn says:

    I think part of the key is not being afraid of what others will think. I think part of it is fear of repercussions whether whether what others think or what the results will be. Okay, it is all about fear. As you know, telling the truth and facing the fear gets easier.

  2. Robinella says:

    “I can’t get anywhere or learn anything unless I quit living in a place of denial. ” I know so many people who could benefit from that single statement. Well said.

  3. Heather says:

    I agree with Dawn. I used to struggle with what others thought ALL the time. Not so much anymore. I never lied to make them think differently but I used to be so concerned about what other people thought.

    You wrote a great post Debbie. Being aware of where your anger is coming from is a good start…now it is up to you to find ways to vent it that can be productive.

    I think you should find a way to take that photography class and do something for yourself!!!! I was planning to take a photography course too but I can’t get it in since it is at the same exact time as football practice and 20 minutes away from where practice is held or it is on Saturdays when there are games…..

  4. beccy says:

    I used to be a very angry person somehow having children and settling here has changed me although I don’t know how, I jusst appreciate that I am much calmer. I hope you find another oulet for your anger as it’s definitely better out than in.

  5. G says:

    ‘The truth is that half the time I live my life from the perspective of a scared seven year old girl, and the other half of the time from a thirty-three year old woman who is trying to find her way in life.’

    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE how honest and real you are. I think it may be my favorite thing about you and your blog.

    My bottled up anger comes out in the form of nervousness; I’m working on not trying to stuff it down with food.

    Thanks
    G

  6. Emma says:

    What a great post Debbie.

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