This is not – I repeat, NOT – a pitiful poor me post.
I don’t know how to write what I’m thinking. Or even know what I’m thinking. If this were my journal I’d just write and write until I figured it out. So here goes.
I still get amazed when someone tells me they’re happy to have me as a friend. It’s like, really? Me? In the moment the person tells me, I feel flattered. And happy, too. Later, I feel that amazement. And gratitude.
Someone just told me recently: “I’m so grateful that I’ve gotten to know you.” That’s special – you know? I don’t take the compliment lightly. As pitiful as it may sound, I can totally relate to what Sally Field said when getting that Oscar in 1985: “…I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!“.
That quote is the butt of many jokes, but I’ll bet most of us who’d have the opportunity to stand on a stage while your peers cheer for you and your achievements feel those words. They’d just be too chicken to say them.
(It’s interesting to me that she said, “right now” because she knows that fame is fickle. They liked her at that moment, but then tore her apart for actually saying it.)
Why not revel in it? “Whoo hooo, I’m loved!!”. Well, I guess because it sounds conceited. But that’s not the way I feel. I just simply feel happy and filled.
Yeah, I s’pose it could be explained that I didn’t get enough validation or something as a kid. Maybe that’s it. And I know the psychological mumbo jumbo. I have to give myself the validation so that I don’t need it from others. Yeah yeah. I’m working on it. But in the mean time, it’s nice to get it from people who are nice enough to say the words out loud.