I’m coming to the end of my first week back on the WW program. Yeah, I know I haven’t spoken about it for awhile. It’s because I wasn’t doing well and I only write about something when I’m doing well. Kidding! Nah. It’s just that…what was I supposed to say, right? More whining about how I fell off the program? More sadness about how I was gaining back the weight that I’d worked so hard to lose? It’s frustrating to fail, and I just didn’t want to face that that was what I was doing. I haven’t taken down that 23 lbs down thingy in my sidebar because by doing so it’s like putting another nail in the coffin.
You know, I hesitated about talking about my weight loss efforts on here in the first place? I didn’t want to be yet another person complaining about her weight. I know how ordinary it is. How common. But it IS real. I despise having this issue. I so wish that I had my weight under control. I look at former classmates on Facebook in their bikinis while they’re on holiday in tropical paradises and instead of being happy for them I feel envy. How sad is that?? I AM happy for them – I just wish I looked that good…or that happy. Oh jeez. I’m such a contradiction because I AM happy, but, I guess, not in every area of my life. I’ve obviously got some issues because I’m 60 lbs over weight. That’s the lovely thing with having a weight problem – carrying your issues around where everyone can see them. 🙄
I loved Oprah’s monologue confession that she did this week on her show (Monday the 5th). She spoke about gaining her weight back and how hard it was for her to admit and face it. At one point she said, “I can’t believe I’m STILL talking about my weight!!!”. I can SO relate to that! That’s how I feel everytime I’m tempted to post something about it on here. And then there’s that commercial for some cereal or other where it shows a woman walking around with a bathroom scale tied to her ankle and that song “You’re Always on my Mind” playing in the background. That’s me to a tee.
So my week…it went good AND bad.
The first day, Monday, went terribly. I’d been gearing myself up the whole previous week and was excited to start eating healthy again, but then woke up feeling sick with a weird cold that made me tired and unmotivated. So frustrating because I was looking forward to it being a week of new beginnings for other things, too, like homschooling, early mornings, and just a general positive good start to the year. But it was the complete opposite.
The illness, unfortunately, didn’t take my appetite so while I tried to stick to the plan during the day I continued with my naughty ways and ate too much that Monday evening. And the lethargic feeling didn’t leave me until Thursday. It was so frustrating to WANT to do something (like exercise) but not be able to. I did eat better, though, during the middle of the week until Friday when the kids and I spent the day at the ski hill. I brought our own food but drank a large hot chocolate before I even remembered that it was expensive in points (fancy way of counting cals, fat, and fibre). That evening I was tired and ended up eating perogies (too many) at supper. Today went okay, though. I baked a batch of cookies at one point but manged to keep myself under control. Yippee! Big obstacle that, by the way. How to bake and not eat myself into oblivion.
So, I’m not as happy with my first week back as I’d like to be but not totally dissapointed either. It’s the first (and hundredth) week of a very long journey. You’ve likely got many posts to look forward to on this subject…lucky you! I do, however, promise to try and keep the whining to a minumum. 🙂