It’s no secret that I’ve been trying to lose weight. Since. Sheesh. Since forever it feels like. But there MUST have been a time when I wasn’t concerned with my weight. Right?
Being a babe in my mother’s arms must have been a blissful time since I didn’t even know that there was an “ideal” weight to BE. As a toddler my thoughts would have revolved around toys and playing and whatever was within reach to touch and handle. Pre-school and early elementary I recall more playing and the making of friends. But at nine yrs old…surely not as young as that?? Yes. I remember trying on my baseball uniform with a friend at her house. My friend’s uniform was too big for her and her mom said that it’d probably fit me. Then I was standing on the scale in her bathroom and seeing that I weighed 70 something pounds and wondering if that was fat. And then that wondering never stopped. That comparing. That girl is thinner…prettier. Oh no. It wasn’t about health at that point. It was all about being as good as this or that girl. And I was never overweight.
I look fine and healthy here. Not as thin as my friend there on the left but still I look like just a regular girl. Sad to think that I was already beginning to worry here.
So, I was listening on the radio and Dr. Oz was talking with the chick who hosts “The Biggest Loser”. She was asked how to get motivated to be healthy. She said to make a list of goals with regards to your health/weight and post them where you can see them. They can be shallow or deep. Whatever. Then visualize yourself achieving them. Keep them in your mind so that when you go to make a choice you can ask yourself if what you’re about to eat or do will help you achieve your goals.
Okay. I will give this a try now…
- I want to be healthy.
- I desire energy to run and play and be silly with my children.
- I want to WANT to jump and climb and chase on the playground.
- I want to be able to shop in the regular sized clothing stores. I’d enjoy being a size 12. No. 10.
- I want to be able to wear a bikini. Not that I would, but I want the choice.
- Smooth sides of my body.
- Glances in the mirror as I pass by that bring me joy and pride.
- Quiet sleeps.
- A long life.
- To have energy and vigour as I play with my grandchildren.
- Meeting my great grandchildren.
- Being able to actually play with them, too.
- Hiking in the mountains with my husband.
- When we’re sixty!
- Making passionate love with my husband.
- Even at seventy.
- I want a calm spirit that is focused outward rather than on myself and my weight.
I can see her in my mind. My heart. The woman I want to be. I have some of her, but I want it all. Hmmm. I can see where this list might help me. Especially the deeper stuff. My goal of being a size 10 could stop me from eating a bag of chips but my desire for what kind of life I want at sixty might be a stronger motivation. That bag of chips seem pretty inconsequential in comparison to a long life of vitality.